The Future Belongs to Highly Sensitive People, Assertiveness is Beneficial Even Now

20-30% of people are significantly more attentive and sensitive to their surroundings than usual, which makes them vulnerable to being steamrolled and even bullied in the workplace. However, the need for such individuals is growing, writes Work-Life Peer Counsellor and Communication expert Heleri Michalski.

A highly sensitive person is a term introduced in the early 90s, which in today's popular science is increasingly found behind the description of the concept called "empath." It should be said that although I tried to avoid using "this" concept and referring to "such articles" while writing this piece here, I discovered an article referred in a recent newsletter from the consulting firm McKinsey, it's brought up unapologetically.

In the relevant literature, empaths are presented as emotional and intuitive personalities, and very generally, they are attributed with sensitivity, care, and good instincts as individuals.

At the food court in Saigon (HCMC), where over the course of one evening, probably thousands of hungry customers passed through. The heat, speed, and nervousness create an environment that is far from many people's dreams and is a daily challenge for others.**

On the career carousel, a highly sensitive person might find the work environment a bit nauseating. Does everyone really enjoy this dizzying speed? Poorly executed jokes, fumbled responses, and the inability to say "no" without consequences. Sounds familiar?

Due to their sensitivity, such people have to work harder to plough through the pile-up of work. How to cope with this?

Behind the Words

A sensitive person is like a smoke detector installed in a room - it flashes and can start alarming "out of nowhere." Their battery runs out quickly because their cognitive resources are consumed in large quantities.

They encounter many complex situations at work that "normal" colleagues often consider overthinking. In private conversations, it turns out that the highly sensitive person noticed dissatisfied hints behind smiles in the meeting, which others didn't notice. They're often advised to "take things as they are."

However, for a highly sensitive person, the information hidden behind the words is equally important. In fact, it is for everyone, because only 7% of communication is verbal and as much as 93% is non-verbal. Highly sensitive people simply perceive this more clearly, as well as the fact that unspoken information can contradict with what's spoken.

As their so-called complex traits, excessive reactivity (both good and bad), higher anxiety levels, and inappropriate behaviour in socially uncomfortable situations are often highlighted. They also have a desire to avoid conflicts to please colleagues. But by doing so (being people pleasers), they prioritise others' needs, which is why they are often threatened by judgmentalism and bullying in workplaces. According to a study, the alleged bullies in the workplace, are often managers with poor interpersonal skills, poor EQ and low self-esteem who may feel threatened by the skills of the quietly spoken, caring, sensitive, perceptive and talented subordinate.

The Future Belongs to the Highly Sensitive

About 20-30% of the population consider themselves highly sensitive individuals. That's a considerable minority.

The pioneer in this field, Dr. Elaine Aron, points out in a study that highly sensitive people show significantly more empathy and responsiveness to others' needs. Their ability in planning activities and even in processing information is also highlighted. This makes them more aware of their surroundings. Such people have a deeper perception, which is why they are particularly sensitive to social stimuli.

Many organisations are missing out on utilising their highly sensitive persons because they can’t see past our out-dated, cultural bias towards people who present as more sensitive than others, writes HRZone. However, it's increasingly recognised that in a world dominated by automation, computation and systemisation, the need for people with intuition, creativity, empathy and superior sensory perception and processing abilities has never been greater.

Stand Tall!

Some of us must learn to voice our true feelings and needs, much like we'd learn the ropes of mountain climbing. First, one must be patient, primarily with oneself. Nothing one can do about it – at the communication level, a highly sensitive person must at some point stop nodding (with a sad smile) in situations that are deep in their heart unacceptable to them. Gradually, one must express their thoughts-feelings, even if it triggers an uncomfortable reaction from colleagues.

Of course, for people who are constantly stepping behind the scene, this advice might sound a bit silly. It would be about as good to say to an introvert: "Be brave, just interact with people!"

In workplace communication situation, one could try an effective assertive self-centred self-expression method that allows one to convey their feelings and needs without blaming others, thereby softening defensive reactions.

However, changes don't happen overnight; one can only be certain of their own consistency. If, despite remarks, a colleague doesn't change their behaviour over time, then the highly sensitive person must unfortunately first look in the mirror and then admit to themselves – somewhere something has gone wrong, and I have let myself be walked over. But this is not a bad situation at all to face oneself because new opportunities open up only from awareness.

And although resistance from surrounding people–even close ones–is almost guaranteed, on the long run, it's merely a challenging trail section. Something like a steep mountain slope that one should climb up consciously conserving their resources because most of the journey is still ahead. The main thing is to keep one's goal in sight.

Two Keys

Assertive behaviour is a fine science in itself that can be learned. The art of setting boundaries is one of its components, and highly sensitive people lack both skills and courage because instinctively, it's important for them to remain polite towards others in every situation.

Meditation trainer Saqib Rizvi points out that two prerequisites are necessary for expressing one's boundaries: compassion and self-confidence.

Compassion allows removing the accusatory tone from the discussion when achieving one's wishes and needs. Also, suppressed emotions that can quickly mess up all goals. And yes, sometimes the situation requires compassion for the manager who has lost self-perception under stress or the passive-aggressive colleague, which of course leaves a mark because no one is completely Teflon.

Self-confidence, however, is important because without it, sometimes it's not even possible to say out loud what one wants to achieve. It's also a trait that allows others to take the message seriously. The balance between these two prerequisites is the key to achieving clear communication even in complex situations where colleagues may (sub)consciously put the sensitive person to the test.

Finally, a highly sensitive person knows that they perceive others and nuances in the environment more than the "duller others”. But this doesn't mean they should immediately do something about it, in other words, react. As a sensitive person, one could rather let colleagues catch up – let things go so far that others also realise and verbalise it (easy to say, of course...).

Still: it's not important to be the first to diagnose the situation and find a solution. Wait to see what diagnosis others come up with (how exciting!).

*The article was originally published in Äripäev, the largest Estonian digital journal focused on entrepreneurs.

** I use flashbacks from my digital nomad life that inspired me to write these articles and made me think about work (environments) on a broader scale. Sometimes a foreign scene helps us think and see things we otherwise hardly notice or take for granted.